When Your Children Divorce
When a parent hears the dreaded words,
“we are divorcing”, we go into mommy mode and try to fix things for
them. We try to make things right and mend fences to prevent the
upcoming divorce. There are some things we should consider as
choices.1.)
Don’t immediately jump on the bandwagon and start blaming your
child’s
spouse, especially in front of your
grandchildren. Your anger may be justified, but carelessly
expressed anger can wound deeply. Be quick to listen and slow to
speak.
2.) Don’t continue
to let your mind spin in downward circles, asking yourself, “What
did he do?” or “What did she do?” or “Why didn’t they…….?”
3.) Don’t take over
and try to straighten things out. Let these adult children live
their own lives. Wait for them to ask for your advice.
4.) Don’t try to
explain one spouse’s behavior to the other one when you don’t really
know the whole story. Use anger as an ally to propel you to
accomplish something constructive. This energy can become a
creative expression.
5.) Exercise…..it
allows you to let off steam physically. It defuses stress and helps
you to relax. It will get your heart and lungs in better shape.
6.) Write about
your feelings. Journaling may help you become aware of what you are
feeling and thinking.
At some point we as
parents must accept the divorce as a reality and realize that we
cannot change our adult children or fix them. We have to support
them and love them in good times and bad.
Faye Summers
Trussville Family Counseling
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